Our annual school cake walk transforms the cafeteria into a terrifying and sticky zone of destruction. It's enough to put me off cake for, oh, about a half an hour afterward, at least. The kids win these huge, goopy home-made cakes and proceed to dig into them with inadequate plastic forks or, more usually, their bare hands. It's really primal, they're like lions gathering around fallen wildebeests. I, being a grouchy adult, made two smaller, more manageable cakes instead of one giant one. Thus once again I defend my title: "Queen of No Fun." Fortunately for people who (shudder) like fun, Phil helped out and made labels for the cakes.

Next year, I'm thinking 3'x4', three layers on wedding cake pillars, covered in sparklers, lollipops and plastic dinosaurs. Donated anonymously, of course.